Chad Ocho Cinco calls out Andre Berto

"THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge."

-The Cask of Amontillado
Edgar Allan Poe

Chad Ocho Cinco this time has his mouth again racing ahead of some sitting-down-for-a-thought moment. Even before he learns the next to basics of boxing, he's in the thick of business again with some pretentious claims that we'll be struck by awe once we see him beat WBC Welterweight champion Andre Berto.

"So when I get in the ring and knock out (welterweight champ Andre) Berto, and people are like, 'I didn't know Chad could fight,'" he said to us, "I just told you."

Andre Berto has heard of this horsing around and though he's not Muhammad Ali his spontaneous reply is genius while sounding inadvertently funny with an influence of "yo mama" jokes accent.

"I'm here to say that when his season is over, which should be before the playoffs start, I'll give him the beating of his life and show him the difference between kicking footballs and getting your ass kicked. By the time I'm done with him, he'll want to change his last name to No Mas!"

That "No Mas" goes down on my list of the top comebacks of all time. It's almost tantamount to a catfight ending in a slap and "You Bitch!" retort.

We know that Ocho Cinco has been venturing in the ring for some time but its not suffice to say that he is in an equivalent level of Berto. It's not even fair enough to give him the 20th rank of the division to fight.

No matter how silly it looks like, I can still say that almost everyone of us can throw some sort of a spinning back-fist but not until we are in a state of clinical insanity would we challenge Chuck Liddell in an octagon brawl.

Listen PETA, its the dogs' fault. Not Vick's. Got it?

In a complete attempt to display perplexing reasoning skills, one viewer from somewhere sent in his own opinion of the whole Michael Vick mess:


How could the entire justice system of a great democratic nation miss this treasure of an argument? Could this piece of philosophical thought be enough to make open the eyes of PETA and have them to publicly apologize to Vick in behalf of those Pit Bulls with lacerated tongues and bloodied nostrils?

Ok, enough with the sarcasms. This, people, are the kind of ideas that can trigger your brain to involuntarily instruct your leg muscles to jump off the balcony.

The Washington Nationals did it in cliffhanger fashion

As the eleventh hour for the signing of the overall top draftee Stephen Strasburg approaches, the Washington Nationals had just managed it at the buzzer. With a $15 Million contract signed (which was way below the projections after the draft) by agent Scott Boras' client, the drama is over. At least if we're not looking at the National's slate nor watching a YouTube moment of some National big leaguer guy seeing a mirage in between bases.

Although the team's acting manager Mike Rizzo has said that Strasburg is unlikely to pitch this season, it may at least build a high measure of anticipation for Washington's ticket market for the rookie's first appearance.

Cubs fan to Shane Victorino: Say hello to my liitle drink

Phillies' Shane Victorino did not only get to catch a fly ball but also gets a shower of beer at the same time during the fifth inning of their game against the Cubs on Wrigley Field.

If it was Ron Artest instead of Victorino, it would have been a different story. Not even a 10 foot wall would limit his devilish intentions of hiking the bleacher and stuffing the ball to that idiot's mouth. The sad thing only is that the security in the stands nabbed the wrong guy thus leaving the real perpetrator grinning ear-high to his sheet that night.

Deadspin.com has the identification of the characters.





Check out the dude on the beer thrower's right side taking a sip on his beverage as if saying "I got mine. It's not me world!" You sure that's not urine?

The case of Baron's stolen laptop with personal images in it

Baron Davis' laptop has been stolen and has already reported the incident to the police as immediate as the moment the old man jizzes his pants at the first glance of red tube's home page.

Why would someone like Baron Davis who earns money in a year enough to buy me while sleeping, waste time in chasing the culprits and hire legal people to send letters to different media outlets regarding his missing gadget? That laptop might be worth only of one assist to a zippy Mark Madsen.

As some of you might have heard already, the laptop in search contains a plethora of personal photos by/of the NBA star. A letter to various media outlets has been sent threatening legal action if ever any of the laptop's content would be published.

That leaves you gay people to find a quiet, serene, and full of tranquil place and go sharpen your imagination.

Page 1 of Legal Letter
Page 2 of Legal Letter

Shaq to play Home Run Derby against Albert Pujols

With David Beckham preferring to gut it out on the field with a fan instead of acknowledging the many call outs of Shaq to appear on his Shaq Vs show, The Big Aristotle has a lot of options from the horrors of a beach volleyball game-where he even more terrifies us with a wager-to a friendly Home Run Derby contest between him and Cardinals star Albert Pujols.

Shaq's career average on the free throw line is .528. Albert Pujol's career average is .334. Shaq has been botching free throws way before man learned how to tweet. A free throw wherein he has all the liberty granted by the constitution to smoothly hoist the ball into a stationary basket but opts to rather mortar the Spalding to every part of the basket except through it.

Can Shaq pummel a speeding fastball with a 90 MPH on it to the bleachers? An encyclopedic research of his stats points to the poor catcher having his jaw surgically replaced with an exhumed one.

Rashard Lewis' version of "unknowingly"

Steroids in the NBA? I haven't heard of it yet until now where Rashard Lewis is going to be suspended for the first 10 games of the season plus being severed $1.6M off his $18M salary this year.

Lifting a phrase usually read in the volumes of documents of MLB players' cantations, Lewis has said that something he put inside his mouth was a supplement he got over-the-counter which, unknown to him, contained a substance banned in the league.

“First and foremost I take full responsibility for the situation and accept the corresponding penalty,” Lewis said. “I apologize to Magic fans, my teammates and this organization for not doing the research that should come with good judgment.”[Orlando Sentinel]

If I ever had to suggest to any dictionary publisher an example sentence use of the word "unknowingly", refer to the sports pages next time.

Sex is good before games according to Alexander Ovechkin..It's always good Mr. Capital

It has been a man rule that one should restrain himself from seeing any sheet action before a game unless it's really your game. Robert DeNiro's Jake LaMotta character tried it but eventually gave in. Well, it seems that it doesn't work like that quite so often. Alexander Ovechkin, the Capitals' superstar, told a Russian media outlet Russian Today that he would do sex not just before but also after a game.

That is how he prepares for games my fellow poor butt plugs. While we find our shoe laces, our bats, our head gears or set pawns, Ovie is humping his way to Wilt Chamberlain Club.





As a consolation, he admitted that he's face does not fit advertising.

No more defense by LeBron every time there's a camera around

LeBron is now on an alert-status level every time he's playing with a bunch of players who might be dreaming of duplicating the very ill hyped Crawford throwdown. Lebron is seen here on defense against UCSD, University California at San Diego exerting enthusiasm that he would to a drying paint.

Unless this game pays him by the millions, don't expect him to stop treating the court as a treadmill.

NBA top 100 dunks of 08-09 season.nuts for supper for some poor souls beneath

For all the other reasons to watch NBA basketball, its really the dunks that has made the most of us be absorbed to the league. Those fancy dishes and dribbling maneuvers just aren't enough for basketball's popularity-unless you're in Europe and contented on perfectly angled chest passes as your highlights of the week.

Contact the tower, pilot-we're about to take off.